Letting Go

To: My Biological Relatives

I don't trust you enough to send this to you, so for now I am just writing it here so I can get it out of me.

Terry,

My feelings for you are still very complicated. I still very much wish I understood you and the reasons why to so many things that were said to have occurred or that did occur in our relationship. I don't know what you believe were my motives in communicating with you after we found each other, and maybe it was those beliefs that caused you not to trust me enough to tell me the truth (good or bad); but when I found you...yes I wanted to know what happened and why, but more than that I wanted to get to know you...not just the image you wanted to put forth.
What I did tell you, was the truth. I don't care what happened, my life is good now. I have friends that love me for me, I don't have to pretend my life is perfect (it's far from it), all I ever wanted from you was honesty. Whatever happened, I forgive you Teresa, no matter what your part was in it. I don't care if all the reports are true, I forgive you even though a lot of times I don't feel that. You are no longer responsible in my mind, meaning...you are free. If you choose to take that freedom and hurt others with it, that's your choice, if you choose to learn from your mistakes and do better, again, your choice; but it is no longer in my hands.
What I told you about sometimes praying for you, was also true. I do want you to find love and hope and acceptance somewhere. I hope that one day you can look at yourself, and not just see the past or live your life expecting to have to pay for all your mistakes in the end. You are not defined by your mistakes, I think maybe more so you are (should be) defined by the choices you make after the mistake. Are you going to repeat the mistake, or change it and work to make it and yourself better? Do you truly think of others above yourself and try to respect and value them no matter what, or do you only seek your own worth and value? Do you try to build bridges for others to connect or do you tear others down? These are the questions that I think define a person. And no, I am not perfect....sometimes I don't think of others first, and sometimes I do do things that tear them down; but that's not my goal, that's not what I strive for.

I hope you find joy and happiness in your life...where ever that takes you.
Christen


Andrew:

I don't know why my heart goes out to you so much, but it does. I don't know why you stopped talking to me or why that correlated with the timing of me ending communication with Terry; but I hope you are well.
I hope that maybe, somehow how I live my life with others and even in relations to you and terry and the others shows you the possibilities in life. I hope that you have dreams for your future and that you strive to accomplish them. And I hope that you never, ever give up on yourself. In the very short time that we did communicate, I saw so much potential in you. You seem like a pretty caring guy, and that's cool.
I don't know if I will ever see or talk to you again (I hope so), but if I don't, I hope you find people to encourage and love you no matter what; and that you are safe and protected where ever you go; and that you never stop dreaming or reaching for the imposable things in life...I know what it's like to stop dreaming, and I never want that for you.

Don't give up, ever
Christen


Amanda and Jr:

I don't know what to say. Because of actions and things said, I don't trust you. But I hope that you can find love and hope in life. And that you are able to learn from your mistakes and work to improve your future.
Amanda, you have a beautiful baby, be good to her, cherish her, and protect her. Be the mom you would/would have want/wanted yourself. She deserves that. Don't give up on her or yourself. Life goes on and gets better.
Jr, good luck...that's about all I have.


Jackson:

I wish I had met you, I wish I had known why you didn't like Terry. I hope one day that maybe we can meet. From what the others say, you seem sweet like Andrew; you seem like a good guy.
Like the others, I hope life treats you well and that you find hope, love, and joy in whatever you choose to do. And don't ever give up on yourself, and DON'T let the past define you. If the stories I heard about you were true, we are both kinda in the same boat...but try not to let the past tell you who you are or who you will become in the future...I and trying to do that in my life.

You're never alone.
Christen


Eddie:

The stories of you are at both ends of the spectrum. Either you are an awesome guy, or a horrible bum. I have never met you, so I can't judge. I don't know what part you played so much in my past or what you feel about the things that happened. But no matter what those feelings are, I hope that you can let go of them and move on with life knowing that I am doing good now. I am accomplished and have promise for a future, I was given an opportunity to live and reach for my dreams, and I took it. I hold nothing against you; and I hope you are well.
I don't know the stories you have heard about me (or what those stories say my feelings are toward you), but I hope one day we can meet so that you know 1. I care about your well being and 2.the past is gone, it doesn't matter anymore to me.

May you always find love and happiness.
Christen