I heard this song for the first time last night when a friend of mine played it for me. The first person that came to mind when I heard this song was Dale. Even though he is not my father; in a lot of ways he was the only real dad I ever knew. When I think of the father I have, I don't really see him as a dad....I mean, yea he provides food and shelter for me; but he isn't really a dad on the emotional level. For me, a lot of times, it feels more like he is something to defend my emotions and my emotional self from more than thinking we are connected emotionally.
But anyway, when I first hear the song I cried pretty much the whole song and for several minutes after the song had ended. I cried not just because it reminded me of Dale and he's is not here anymore; but because the song says that she is ready to do life on her own, that she doesn't need her dad anymore; but I don't feel like I can say that. I wish Dale was here now. I want to talk to him about this gorgeous girl I like and how the whole thing confuses the crap out of me because I want to respect her and respect what she wants; but feel like I'm getting mixed signals from her while at the same time fighting my urge to romance and I guess woo her. And even though I know Dale wouldn't necessarily like hearing about that and he would disagree and say that isn't the "path" I should be going down, I want to talk to him about it...because I still believe that even though he doesn't agree, he would listen because it's important to me. There are times I forget, and will pick up the phone to call him and tell him about my day or something funny that reminded me of him or to ask him something; but then remember than I can't. I don't feel like I am reading to "do life on my own".
Of course, per par with my post-Dale emotions, after I cried for the fact that I didn't think I was ready to live without him in my life; I cried because I can't say with certainity that if he were here now and knew about my life that he wouldn't hate me. Currently his wife (who is/was like a second mom to me) and I aren't really having the best of relationships; and a big part of that conflict started after I was real with her about my current place in life; and there is this little voice in my head that keeps telling me that if Dale was was here, he would follow suit with his wife; and that really, really hurts; because there is a part of me that kinda feels like in certain ways I have or am loosing any parental relationship I have ever had.
But anyway, even though it is a really sad song, it is also a very beautiful song and I am really glad my friend played it for me.