Weekend Update

Now that I have had my like 10 hour nap, and probably thrown off my sleep-wake pattern, it's time to update you on my weekend.
In short: it was pretty much everything I expected it to be on Friday...Intense, overwhelming and crazy.
It was terribly sad that up til about 5 minutes from the place where we stayed, I had signal; then....nothing til we left at like 1 Sunday. I could have used that.
As I committed to, I did not bring bob, but Saturday morning, I found things that could replace bob...I then spent the rest of the weekend wishing I hadn't found them.
Nothing of importance happened there, they stayed where I found them.
But even though it was intense and overwhelming with more crying than I expected, Saturday afternoon was fun. We made teams and played flag football (not so fun, but hanging out was kinda fun), then some of us played Basketball which was fun.
I left the "dead zone" (the retreat) with all of the same questions I had when I left. I also left feeling bad, in a way, because I knew I wasn't leaving the way most of my friends there expected me to leave..but then I slept and realized that it doesn't matter if I lived up their expectations; all that really matters is how I think about me. And although I would have liked to come away with some answers to all the questions swimming in my head, I still like me.
Oh, I did kinda come up with some thoughts more on bob (kinda weird that I did, but whateve, it's something). I was sitting in "church" yesterday evening trying to get God to answer some of my questions, and I had a thought. Most of my life, I have thought that God hated me because...well of a lot of things; but that maybe at a subconscious level I use/used the "God hates me" excuse to hate myself, and if God hated me, then it really didn't matter what I did to myself. I don't know if you will find that an interesting thought, but for me at that time it was very interesting.
So that is a little bit of how my weekend went.