If it made a difference

If it made a difference-Jennifer Knapp

Sorry I told you I was wrong
Sorry I don't care
Sorry I stayed here for too long
But I got a feeling you're not going anywhere.

And if it made a difference
I might grin and take it all in stride
Walk an extra mile just for your pride
If it made a difference
Everyone Could surely see by now
I am the only one who ever tried

Sorry I ever gave a damn
Sorry I even tried
To waste all better parts of me
on not just anyone who came to mind

If it made a difference
I might grin and take it all in stride
Walk an extra mile just for your pride
If it made a difference
Everyone could surely see by now
I am the only one who ever tried

To give you cause for reason
I gave you time
Sorry love but I'll be leaving
Out of memory, out of mind

If it made a difference
I might grin and take in all in stride
Walk an extra mile just for your pride
If it made a difference
Everyone could surely see by now
I am the only one who ever tried

I am the only one who ever tried
To leave you behind


This song fits well with my life right now. I'm coming to the point of walking away. The last several months I have felt under attack by some people who in the past I considered like family (and still do), and now I kinda regret ever reaching out to these people and telling them my life. I regret loosing the years of my life that I tried not being me, and to fit into the mold that they wanted me to.
The last several months I have tried to let these certain people into my life, letting them in on the real me (honest and open) and giving them a chance to love me (even if they don't agree with everything about me), but all I seem to receive is daggers to the heart from these people. I know they are trying to "help", but the only question that comes to mind for me is "If God is the answer, if by some chance, that I no longer believe in, He can make me like you...then why are you stabbing me? That's not helping, it makes me want to run from you, everyone like you (even those who go by the same label as you), and run away from God"
No, I don't know who God is in a lot of ways, I've gotten mixed messages about Him all my life. But if God (whether or not He is a nice guy or He's a jerk) is behind this attack, if He is motivating this...I don't want Him.
These people think they are "encouraging" me and "helping" me, but all they are doing is making me want to 1. attack them, make them bleed too, then 2. run like hell the other way and never look back.
I don't know how to tell them this.