Mirror

I'm not sure why exactly but since the beginning of the year, I have been looking/seeing the similarities that come with the genetics that I was born with. And when I think about it too much I find I have a mixture of emotions ranging from fear to disgust and anger. This is weird for me because during the times that I am feeling these things it seems like a contradiction to who I am as a person. When I don't think about these things, when they don't come to mind, I'm happy. since October, I've began enjoying some of the things that I used to despise....dressing up, make up, doing things I would label "girly"....so yeah, you get the point.

Anyway, I was listening to my ipod and the song Mirror came on and all this above stuff came up. But or as a question of "The mirror tells you that aren't good and definitely not good enough for anything. That to be good/good enough you have to...not be you; that you can't look like you, that you are sick and disgusting to the core of your being. But what if the mirror is wrong? What if you're genes don't set your entire future in stone? What if you can look like someone you really don't like and still be you...happy, loving, compassionate, helpful you?"

I don't know how to answer any of these questions. Although sometimes I can honestly says that I don't hate myself anymore and during those times I don't want to do bad things to myself; there are still many times when I think the mirror is right. I want to answer "yes, you're right" to the questions; but I still find myself saying "but I am dirty and disgusting and I need to make it better. I'm too fat, too stupid, too lazy, too bad; I have to fix it, to make myself not be all those things."

Will I ever be able to see past the thing in the mirror?